Adoption Part II

Well, my wife and I met the boys yesterday for the first time. It was a bit overwhelming to try and take it all in. I was physically tired after the encounter to the point I couldn't even process what I truly thought about the matter. We thought it would be one of those things that we would walk in and just know right away that this is what the Father had for us or not. This emphatic yes or no feeling in our spirit. Well, that wasn't the case at all. Even in the time that we were there my feelings changed from thinking that these were the two for us to absolute fear to maybe this could work all the way back to leaving the house thinking I don't have a clue.

I'm glad we have the Israelites to read about in God's Word. People that had every reason to believe in Yahweh through a pillar of fire at night to a cloud of smoke by day. They watched the Red Sea part and converge on the army of the great pharaoh as thousands died at the hand of an Almighty God. They still lived in doubt as to whether or not God would remain faithful. They desired to return to bondage due to their questions about God's faithfulness and even after quail and manna was delivered to their doorstep each morning like clockwork they questioned everything about their existence in the wilderness. Like some wondering drifter at Burning Man would think that a golden idol that stood in the midst of the camp would bring greater stability to their future.

They wanted this feeling that things would be right in their world and a physical image gave more security than the memory of what God had done. This idea that He is faithful only when I have some tangible evidence of His presence. I was looking for a sign or evidence that God would make it absolutely clear that these two boys were to be part of our family. The thing is I want my emotions to make the decision for me. As if my emotions are what keep me in tune with the Spirit of God. I know they play a part and my emotions are something that Abba gave me as part of His creation, but to what extent do they guide my steps?

We have decided to take another step in the process to meet the boys on more neutral ground like a play land at a local McDonald’s or BK. This way our daughter can meet them and play without the limitations and restrictions that the current foster home places on a meeting like yesterday. We are going to walk down this road until God provides an answer through His Word. I'm trying not to rely on some manufactured feeling or assumption that God is going to show up because I need to put out a fleece to believe He still remains faithful. I'm going to walk with confidence that He can close a door as easily as He opened one.