Ever Wonder?

Do you ever wonder how some things in life could have been different? You know those days that seeminly take you back to decisions that changed the way life turned out. All the decisions that brought you happiness and fulfillment seem to be outweighed by decisions that made you question everything about your life. Questions like: "Did I marry the right person?" or "Did I choose the right career?" and my favorite... "Do I really believe in God?".

I'm amazed at the fact that when I ask these questions there never seems to be a response that changes anything that has taken place in the past. Nothing gets removed from my memory or deleted from those horrible Jr. High year book photos. I still get harassed by family and friends about decisions made as a child or in the adolescent days of Jr. High, High School and sadly all the way through college. Decisions that cost me friends and decisions that hurt even my family. Decisions that took me through addiction and decisions that brought me out. Unfortunately many of those decisions have left me empty and calloused, guarded and jaded.

Decisions, you could say, have defined me. They have made me inevitably stronger and at times left me weaker than I could have ever imagined. However, the inescapable thing about my decisions is that the results or consequences have brought me to where I am today. A place that affords me the priveledge of knowing I'm loved. A place in life that has taught me the art of falling with style. I know that I've made some terrible choices throughout my life, but those choices enable me to make more choices... Some good and some bad. But with every poor choice I make I find myself learning more than I do with choices that seem to be simplistic or natural.

It's like wanting the ball at the end of a game with everything on the line. I know I could walk off the court feeling like I've disappointed everyone, but I want the chance to bring everyone out of their seat in awe. I want to be the guy that appreciates the pressure of putting it on the line, but knowing I won't always make the last second shot~